Hm... I dunno if I like blogging on Sundays or not, but... for some reason I sense deja vu. O.o I think it might be just cause I don't feel like doing homework anymore since I have to restart the week and the countdown till the weekend all over again また？！？

anyway how's life? hm... I must say the last 7 weeks of school... I don't think I've left the house at all o_o well not to say i'm a hikikomori, but ... i'm always either at home... or at school. No time for friends or events to go to. ( not that i really have friends -_-" ) Soooo much homework really. I'll probably look back on this year in the future and reflect which was the hardest year of college again. blah Balancing between thermo, process fluid transport, heat transfer, separations and clinic is annoying. Then you have assignments for material science and micro that come randomly. PFT just kinda of takes forever. Polymath and comsol ugh. reminds me i have this derivation to do sitting next to me for the past 2 hours o.x

mm... anime! yes lets talk about that why not. ah well this is the 2nd season that i've actually went over to chartfag and look at the seasonal animes coming out. They're actually not bad at all :D i just picked up like 7 of them o.< but i only have time to watch them on weekends, it's what friday night and saturday are for so i can empty my head of material, energy and entropy balances for a while x.x sacred blacksmith, i'm liking aria right now she's pretty! not to mention lethal o.o; well i guess if you're the wielder you'd be lethal. then we have kobato which is decent, but that last episode... i don't think she should be meddling D: almost wanted to .... i dunno i have this tendency during embarrassing, or i dunno faceplam moments? i don't really know how to describe that feeling. but i just have to pause and look or walk away for a bit.... the first 2 episodes were good... i liked her lullaby and how she helps the little kid in episode 2. er what else... *checks stuff* inuyasha.... yeah... about that. asura cryin', kamper, fma is actually really interesting O.o couldn't focus during the first time i tried watching the old series... *blames fiesta* then there's seitokai which is .... i guess interesting for now. mafuyu is adorable D: antics are funny too sometimes.

Here we go, finished shining tears x wind cause i've seen so many kureha figures and like omg i like pretty girls? also i think i love archers now... probably influenced by being an archer on fiesta again... and i want to try archery D: it looks so.. graceful and beautiful. WE NEED AN ARCHERY CLUB HERE D: i think i need to build up a bit more strength too... but yeah KUREHA...



actually thinking... it's about time to move on from my miku themed um laptop right now? have like everything miku themed. surprised that it's stuck for so long really. so ... snow... + kureha :D she is really pretty ... though... the story doesn't move in my favor ._." i kinda wished she's get together with souma. but then... in the game kiriya is actually the main char... so ... darn those popular boys that get all the girls >_>'

yeah so ... i have no clue how many times this song has repeated... o.< what's with me and repeating songs. over and over and over again. 心、この手に。 from the shining tears x wind soundtrack.

Anyway Till We Meet Again

Jon~ (maybe i need a nickname for online things)

.... I must have been insane all my life then and still am cause I still continue to do so... That being doing the same thing and expect the same results...  I don't think I've ever changed the way I've study, thus I must be insane.  I should be labeled "warning keep away, insane creature" ...  I've been thinking of oh those usual thoughts of suicide.  Failing organic chemistry at the moment and deep in my gut, which is always wrong, I feel like it's going to kill me.  got a 33 on that first test of 3 and tests are worth a total of 40% of my final grade.  I just don't understand stuff that goes on in that class and neither do I go ask for help, thus insanity...  So i'm going to talk to my adviser tomorrow about this subject and just emailed dr. newland about it too.  Why don't I change myself for the better...? Why? WHY? .... I have no motivation maybe is the answer... it seems as though I have no motivation at all and I don't think I ever had much motivation for things I do.  Maybe except for martial arts and anime.  I enjoy solidute too much, I remember back when me and my dad went to a church to play batmiton or ping pong and it was raining outside.  I just.... wanted to wander outside and let myself be drenched in the rain and soak in it not caring for if disease would strike.  Maybe since I don't fit all that well into this world do my consistent arrogance, I should just end it by my own hands... but then again suicide is for the weak that can't over come obstacles.  However I've never overcame this obstacle and it's stood towering in front of me since the beginning of time.  Also I must be insane cause I'm wasting my time here when its 12:30am when I planned to prepare for my clinic technical speech and research those topics I know nothing about for the test on Thursday. 

Can't I just fall into a coma and die or something like Tsukasa of .hack//sign? :/  I think I'd welcome torture at the moment so I can fall into an endless spiral downwards of depression.  I kinda want someone to strip me of all happiness already...

~ Jon